Taken from the “Ask Sabatino” portion of this site.
My question is about moving on. In your mind, what is the best way to move on. It has been 9 months since my last relationship ended, and I still miss him every day. I think it’s bc we never had good closure. He never gave me a real reason other than “he was too busy” which isn’t an excuse for someone you’ve loved for so long. I’m starting to feel pathetic.
Finding closure and moving on post-relationship is maybe the most frequently asked and debated topic out there- and is never easy to answer due to the fact that everyone “heals” in different ways and timeframes. I’ll help where I can.
About five years ago I was on a receiving end of a breakup with a girl I not only dated for six years, but also believed I would marry. I had invested the better part of a decade, money, and dreams in to us and in one evening she had completely thrown our love away and ran off with one of my good friends (at the time). As I’m sure you can relate, this devastated me for the better part of a year. So, how did I kick it?
I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. Just as there was a reason you were together, there is also a reason you’re not now- and that doesn’t mean you aren’t meant to be together in the future. Maybe your timing is off with this guy, or maybe he’s just not “the one”. You wouldn’t want to just “settle”, would you?
After I had broken the spell from this girl and cleared the fog in my head, I realized that her and I were never on the same page at all! I believed in God, she didn’t. I cherished my family, she despised them. I wanted kids in the future, she hated kids. I mean, seriously! What did I ever see in her?? I must have been an idiot! Turns out, I was just settling.
For me, the key to “letting go” was in “reinvention”. In the time I spent feeling sorry for myself, I had realized that I was missing out on so many other opportunities. I had forgotten how awesome I was! In an effort to rebuild my shattered self-esteem, I remember my roommate telling me a key phrase that became the pinnacle of my turnaround- “you better get cocky, kid”. Now, I know cockiness is usually frowned upon, but he wasn’t telling me to brag or gloat about myself. He was simply stating that if I was going to move on, I needed to be completely confident in my new direction. I had to become a new, better version of me.
It’s easy to lose yourself in a breakup. I’m sure you feel as if he took a lot of you with him, but in reality you’ve gained so much from this. You’ve learned what you like and dislike from a partner, and that’s only going to make you more dynamic in your next adventure- and trust me, there WILL be a next adventure. You better get cocky, kid.
Here’s to 2013 being your year! Good luck, and let me know how it goes! I’m here for you.
Thanks for the great question, K! Hope it helped.
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