clock

the art of anticipation

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I’ve been in a hurry my whole life waiting for this moment.

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It is such a great feeling when you first establish a certain comfort level in a new relationship, but the anticipation that builds prior to that comfort remains unmatched.

Sitting there, completely lost in thoughts of her.  Biting your nails, restless, and feeling your heart beat as if it’s going to fly out of your chest.  She consumes your every emotion.  You try to go about your day as usual, but you are hopelessly in love, and you don’t even know how she feels about you yet.  You are completely immersed in the anticipation, and begging the fates to see her soon because you can’t live without her.  You’re DYING without her!

The art of anticipation is a powerful thing.  It can drive you crazy, throw you in to fits of rage, and break you down in to a sobbing puddle.  In a matter of hours you can be transformed from a thirty year old man to a child on Christmas Eve, unable to wait, unable to sleep, and crazy with hope.

I usually get like this after I get a woman’s number.  Should I call her?  I don’t want to seem to eager.  I mean, I’m not desperate- but I can’t waaaaait to talk to her again!  How soon is too soon?

Depending on who you talk to, the standard wait time to call a girl after she gives you her number differs.  I’ve mostly heard either the next day or in three days- but neither really work for me.  I just get too excited.  Luckily, most people now constantly have their mobile phones glued to their hands, and although I may not “call” per say, I will absolutely shoot them a quick text message within the first 24 hours.  I like to use one of two methods when I get a girl’s number.  If I feel like she’s in a playful mood, I’ll text her immediately and tell her “Hey, this is Sabatino- Just so you don’t think you’re getting texts from some other creepy guy”.  This lets her know that you fully intend on contacting her again and immediately opens the door for new conversations.  If she’s in a hurry and leaving, I’ll text her later on that night saying “Hey! This is Sabatino.  It was really great talking to you today.  Hope you have a great night!”.  Again, a simple text thanking her for the good conversation without asking for anything more is a great way to keep the lines of communication open and keep the pressure low.

From my experiences, women just don’t give out their number to random guys, so if you score her digits, it’s because she’s hoping you contact her.  If she doesn’t respond to your texts, take the hint, she’s probably not that in to you.  This is important:  texting her over and over again because she’s not responding isn’t going to make her change her mind- it’s going to make her change her number.  Your best bet is to save face and just leave her alone.

lucky charms

…in love and lucky charms

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If she doesn’t like Lucky Charms, I’m not interested.

lucky charms

I’m talking cereal here.

As I was sitting with a friend last night and waxing poetically on my envisions of love, I made the comment that I would only accept a girl who likes Lucky Charms.  It received a chuckle from my friend who then inquired “Is that a deal breaker for you?”.  It is.

As I thought about how shallow that whole conversation made me feel, I realized that this wasn’t about cereal at all!  In fact, this was about anything BUT breakfast.  This was about setting expectations for my future dates and the unwillingness to compromise on them across the board.

“Lucky Charms” wasn’t a deal breaker for me, but not having similar interests absolutely was. Too often we get so scared that we’ll never find love that we begin to compromise on our own expectations for our relationships.  This is a slippery slope.  If you’re willing to accept someone who isn’t quite meeting your qualifications, then you’re just setting yourself up for failure right from the start.  You’re literally not giving your relationship a chance.

I think I have mentioned before that I dated a girl for six years who never wanted to have kids.  I am CRAZY about having children some day- yet I thought it could work.  Stupid.  We clearly wanted different things and I couldn’t get over her until I realized that.  I had set us up for failure.  I never gave us a chance.

So when you’re evaluating a potential soul mate, be sure to find out as much as you can about them.  Don’t be afraid to ask them if they like (insert favorite cereal here) if you feel that’s something important to you.  Interview them as if you were hiring for a position at your place of employment.  The more you know, the more educated decision you can make about your future together.

love-soup

love soup

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Taken from a post I wrote for friendflirt.com

Thank so much for all your kind words!

love-soup

It’s okay; there are plenty of fish in the sea.

If you’ve had a dating track record like mine, I’m sure you’ve heard this tired line a million times. Also if you’re anything like me, you find it less consoling each time.

The truth is you don’t want the other fish in the sea, you want this particular fish and no matter how far you cast your line, she’s just not biting. Okay, I promise that’s the last of the fishing references, but I think we can both agree- I get you.

When a person decides they’re going to search for a potential mate, whether they consciously choose to think it or not, they have an image in their head of what exactly they’re looking for- and this applies to both web based dating services as well as in person. So, if you introduce yourself to someone and they give you the cold shoulder [which happens to me more than I'd like to admit], don’t take it personally! You’re probably just not fitting their image exactly as they had envisioned today. Move on to the next person and try again.

Many of you may not know that before I started writing about love and relationships, I was a trained chef. In culinary school we had a two theories about making a good soup. The first was ‘garbage in, garbage out’- always use the best ingredients. In dating this translates to always putting your best foot forward, if you present yourself to be homeless, expect to attract someone homeless. The other, and perhaps more relevant to today’s topic, was that you have to make split-pea soup one hundred times before you get the perfect bowl. Of course here we’re not making soup, but I like to use this analogy in dating as well. The odds of you meeting the ideal person on the first try are slim, but after a hundred tries, you just may find yourself with the perfect bowl…er, person. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes and ruining the soup, because each time is a learning experience that helps build the foundation for the next batch.

Did I lose you on all the food analogies? Aren’t you now craving a hot bowl of soup?? Yeah, this is why I never get anything done around here. Okay, first order of business, find yourself some soup- but then, get out there and find your soul mate! You know they’re just sitting around waiting for you to introduce yourself.

Oh! And if my soul mate is reading this, please know that I’m coming for you and I don’t care how many soups I have to screw up to find you.

Love Always,

Sabatino @ hotcupoflove.com