So, for about 2 years now, I have been crazy about this guy who attends the same Theatre school that I do. He has made it clear that the feeling is very much mutual and we act very similar to a couple. We flirt and touch excessively, and we’ve gone out to eat, we even went to prom together…but his family is Muslim and he is supposed to marry someone who is also Muslim. That’s just their culture. However, his parents are very kind to me and seem to be very reasonable. I really really do like him a lot. Sometimes, I think that I may love him, but I don’t want to risk feeling so strongly and us never being able to really be together. What should I do? Should I talk to him? Will there ever be a chance of us?
- Miss. C
Hi, Miss C!
Thank you for writing in!
When I first read your story, I found myself caught between two basic emotions- Sabatino the dreamer, and Sabatino the realist. The dreamer in me leaped from my chair yelling “Run to him! Shout from the rooftops! Love has no boundaries!”, while my more realistic side said “Okay. She should probably have a serious talk with this guy.”
First of all, I love that you have found someone who makes you feel the way he does. I can tell in your writing that he is someone very special to you, and I get this overwhelming feeling of two best friends who want to embark on this journey together. That’s a pretty great feeling, right?
We, as a society, take religion very seriously. Muslims in particular are very passionate about their beliefs, so your first order of business should be (if you haven’t already) grasp an understanding of his faith, and respect the traditions that Muslim families often follow.
Second: Never say never. There are indeed families who are very strict in their beliefs, but there are also many who are more progressive when it comes to dating and marriage. If I may inject a quick story here. When I was in high school I had two friends who are much like you and your guy friend. The man was of the Hindu religion, while the girl was Methodist. They started dating our sophomore year of high school and no one thought anything of it. As we got older, graduated, and began going away to our respective colleges, they were still heavily in love. His parents, being traditional in their religious beliefs, refused to allow them to date through college because they felt he should be with a girl who was also Hindu and it did indeed cause some pains in their relationship- though they stayed dedicated to each other. To make a long story short, they finally tied the knot last year after nearly thirteen years of dating with full support from both families.
My point here is this. Love knows no boundaries. It doesn’t see religion, color, or gender. That’s what makes it such a passionate emotion! If you both have such strong feelings, then I think this is something you would be able to discuss openly with each other. You may be surprised by what he says. In the same respect though, be sure to brace yourself for the worst. It will be incredibly important to remember that if in the event this doesn’t go in your favor, you don’t have to like it, but you should continue to show respect for his decision. After all, you’re going to want to remain his best friend, and it might just take him some time to figure out all the emotions. (Us guys are slow at that sometimes). A discouraging answer now, may not mean EVER. Keep at it, and prove to him and his family that you’re the girl who will take special care of their son’s heart.
Who knows, maybe in thirteen years you’ll be married.
Oh, and I better be invited to the reception!