seagull bach richard

don’t trust seagulls

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Apparently our relationship wasn’t worth fighting for.

seagull bach richard

When I was living in South Africa, I was in a relationship that was once very strong, but had begun to show a multitude of weaknesses.  Her dedication to me was faltering and I was quickly being thrown in to panic mode.

I was struggling to come to terms with the situation and thinking myself in circles about how to get our love back on the right track.  Then one day as I went to use the shower, I noticed she had posted this sign on the back of the door.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours…”  I thought about it for a while, in fact, most of the day.  The words rattled over and over through my mind.  I mean, I knew I loved her and was pretty sure she still loved me- was I too smothering?  Is that what she was trying to tell me?  Did she need a break from “us”? Did she want me to set her free from our relationship. as the poster suggested?

Later on that night we discussed our situation, and I indeed set her free with every expectation of her coming back.  She never did.  I have to admit, I think I got some bad advice from the seagull on the back of the door.  Ever since then I cringe when someone offers similar advice, not because I regret the decision, but because I don’t believe it.

Listen, that night I sat there and watched someone I loved walk out the door.  I just sat there!  Lesson learned.

Don’t trust the seagull.  What I also learned from that night is our relationship apparently wasn’t important enough for me to fight for- don’t let this be you.  Love is so important in our lives.  If you meet the girl of your dreams, you HAVE to fight for her.  It might take you days, weeks, months, or even years, but if you know in your heart that she’s the one, don’t just sit back and watch her walk out the door.  Be a man, stand up for your relationship, and fight to the death.

resolve

don’t wait to resolve issues

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I know you won’t admit it.

resolve

I also know you’ve been thinking about her all day and it’s killing you, but you’re both stuck at work and nothing can be done until tonight.

I’ve been there all too often.  In fact, sometimes I’m there when I don’t even have to be because I have a tendency to over-analyze EVERYTHING.

This is why I try my hardest to implement a rule in every relationship that no one sleeps until all issues of the day are resolved- furthermore, no one sleeps alone.  That means, husbands should always share beds with their wives, and wives shouldn’t ever banish their husbands to the couch.  This is about dealing with relationship issues together, as a couple, and as a team.

You’ve just had a fight over finances.  She thinks you spend too much on your daily lunch at work, while you think she spends too much on internet shopping.  You have a big blow out over dinner, and the issue isn’t resolved by bed time.  You go to work the next day exhausted from the fighting, and you only caught a few hours of sleep on the couch.  All day long you let the situation fester inside of you and you can’t take it anymore.  You go home and explode like a volcano, unleashing complete hell on your wife and family.  The fighting rages on for the next three days.  What have you accomplished?

Relationships are rarely perfect.  They take work, and patience. The truth is, issues will arise, and if you’re not willing to confront those issues with sincerity, tact, and a sense of urgency, your relationship and family could suffer.  Before you let things get out of hand, ask yourself these questions:

What am I trying to accomplish?  Is it realistic?  Is it obtainable?  What is the timeframe I’m shooting for?  Is it in the best interest of our family, or just myself?

And geeez!  Sit down with your wife and figure this all out before bed.  No one sleeps until we come to an agreement!  That being said, compromise.  Sometimes you have to give in a little.  It’s okay.  That’s why they’re your partner, you can trust them.  You may still go to bed a little irritated, but by the morning, you’ll both be much more inclined to discuss each other’s ideas.

This is love.  This is what it means to be in a relationship.  Be selfless.  Be a man.